stupefied

This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her, when she smiles... -Nine Days

Friday, March 03, 2006

Laid-back

I think the problem with me is I easily get involved in things. And when I do, I cling to it with closed fists without me noticing that I’m slowly losing it. It’s probably got to do with my incalculable proverbial “losses” that the idea of having to go through it again petrifies me. I could also be overly conscious about the truth that everything in this world is transient, like nobody would have known that another earthquake is to happen tonight, tomorrow or when I one day decide to go watch a movie alone.

I feel like everything in this world is like a candle on a stormy night. And so maybe I’m desperate at making every moment last.

It’s not that bad. At least it has taught me the value of time and life in general. I used to be very prospective, I’ve always lived my present with my future at the back of my mind. Something like, if I screw up today, there’s always tomorrow to make up for things I didn’t do so right.

I had this long-range plan in my organizer with specific timeframes. Like I should be married at age 25 and a CPA-Lawyer at age 28. I’m 25 and I’m constantly teased about being a member of T.I.I.S (Tang-i_a I’m single!). I’m a CPA alright, but becoming a lawyer to me now seems like fighting windmills. But you know what, I don’t really feel bad.

Now it’s more about enjoying life’s simple pleasures and spending as much time with friends and family. I like the laid back feeling--- no plans, no worries, no excess mental baggage… Just going through life as it comes, without expectations.

At the end of the day, all I want is to be able to wear a smile before I close my eyes.

1 Comments:

Anonymous lokita said...

oh my gosh! we are so the same with the attachment thing! i can feel that our blogs have a whole lot in common. i hope you get over him, but of course, that's going to take a while.

1:58 AM  

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