stupefied

This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her, when she smiles... -Nine Days

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

My crying, faint heart

Today I woke up with that familiar soreness again. It’s weird how much the ‘hurt’ really sticks. Sometimes I wish I had a heart made of Teflon. Or maybe have a part of my memory erased, like the one they did to Ben Affleck in Payback. It would have been much simpler for cases of post-separation depression such as mine. For some time I was really in sync with my mind, about letting the wind dance between my present and my past, somehow for a taste of fresh air—ummm-- new life. I could look back and still come out intact. But how long can you hold a fragile heart? Sometimes a thought pops in your mind, and like needle to a big balloon, all the peace is shattered. And then come sleepless nights, and a damp pillow. My crying, faint, vulnerable heart. How do you make the walls around it stronger to welcome thoughts about the past without hurting so much? When can I wake up and not feel the way I felt this morning? When can you ever say it’s totally over?

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