stupefied

This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her, when she smiles... -Nine Days

Monday, February 20, 2006

Dawson


In college there was this guy, in my heart I’ve always called Dawson. He never knew about the name, but he knew his place in my life, my dependency on him (I would constantly remind him of that). More than my brother in the fraternity and my only guy best friend, he was also the reason college was the best time of my life.

In many ways, I could say his life and mine were intertwined and I loved him as my best friend.


Looking back, I’d always end up pretty stunned… Having a guy best friend --- it’s like royalty. It’s like being the queen, and having a jester by your side. It’s like forgetting about time, and tossing your fears to the wind. It’s like running away and laughing like crazy. I remember a time when my lips started to hurt because even while I was asleep, I never lost the smile. When my own love affairs get messed up, he was my crying shoulder.

Then graduation came, and it was time to go.

For the longest time, we’ve not talked to each other the way we used to. We had our separate dreams to live, and own love stories to write. After board exams I started working, while he pursued his life-long dream to become a lawyer. We never got the chance to be there for each other. And the sea between us got bigger and deeper.

At times I’d imagine myself screaming Dawson to the wind, in my foolish hopes that he’d pop out and lend his shoulders again, whenever I had my heart broken. And during those times the only presence I felt was his absence. I’ve actually forgotten how it felt having strong shoulders to carry the weight of my tears.

I really missed him, and I so wished he wasn’t so far away, but I realized maybe I was being taught to draw my own strength and my independence. I wouldn’t be rescued forever.

He texted last Friday and somehow the old days came back with a taste of the sun at night.

To know that my Dawson was still there, it felt nice.

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