stupefied

This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her, when she smiles... -Nine Days

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

He came back

Sometimes, something wonderful happens in our dreams that waking up to the sight of the ceiling in our bedroom always feels like a nightmare. That was exactly how I felt this morning, when I woke up to the ringing of my phone. For the longest time I’ve not had a recollection of such kind. But last night was special. It was like an old beautiful dream that I’ve always carried in my mind and so this morning when I opened my eyes, I cried. I tried closing my eyes again, but I instantly lost it.

It was about someone from my past. I often call him “the one who got away”, but it was by all means my own doing. Maybe he’s really “the one I sent away”. He seemed like my only chance for the so-called “one great love”, and I was this cute little fool who threw it away.

In my dream he came back. Even after I left him for another love. He was still the same good person who loved me even when I looked half-baked, with my rebellious hair, thick eyebrows and Bugs Bunny teeth. He came back to buy me dinner. He came back to give me that tight little squeeze he used to give me when I feel cold and it somehow reached my heart. He came back to flash that smile that made me crazy for years. He came back to start again, from where we left off, six or seven years ago. He came back without the past. All my dreams before, they were silent pictures. But in this one dream, I heard the familiar voice that used to carry me to sleep. I heard him say the words again. It was like a Josh Groban to my ears.

Then my phone rang, and I was thrown back to reality. How bad could that be?

I’ve kept him out of my mind for a long time and so I’m surprised how all of a sudden he’d show up in my dreams. I honestly don’t have a clue where he could be right now, or how has he been? Is he seeing someone? Is he married? Is he still that charming, skinny boy that got me in love at first sight? Does he still have my ring, even in an old box maybe? Or the rosary that made him cry on our first Christmas party? Or the book of our theme songs I put together the day before he left? Does he still have my heart, even in his memory? What am I thinking? It’s been six years.

He could still know my name, plus a few sad memoirs. But the girl he loved, the girl who once loved him? Time can do so much.

I’m shaking my head for these foolish feelings again. Perhaps I will just linger in the thought that he came back for me, even for a night. Even in my dreams.

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